AHHHH FUCK THIS. FUCK EVERYTHING. I HATE MY LIFE. I HATE EMOTIONS

I'll just make that same wish every night.

A wish that one day I could just be by your side, doing everything together and enjoying life together.
I always had this hope that one day we could go and settle by the beachside and watch the sun set into the horizon. . .

Its a weird thing actually. Sometimes, you are so desperate for the truth, yet you don't wish to inquire because you are afraid of it.

Am I just being the over-sensitive person I am? Her replies are sometimes jovial and full of life, making the conversation so lifely, but at other times, they are so dead, its like a silent accusation, making you question yourself if you had done something wrong.

I guess this is what you would call lethal attraction. Loving a person so much it hurts.

Then , if you realise, there is only a faint line between love and hate. God, it sounds cliche, but its true. I mean, the person who coined this phrase had to derive it from somewhere, no?

Experience will tell you that, when you truly love someone, the feeling will not go away that easily, no matter how hard you tried. The affairs of the heart are not something that we can vouluntarily control.

He boarded the bus, feeling indeed a little awkward. He shuffled his feet as he made his way to the end of the bus. Taking a deep breath, he sat down on the chair which is two rows from the front.

What should I say? What should I do? Damn, I hate being so shy, he told himself.

Slowly, they started to converse. It was full of awkward pauses, but nevertheless, there was a conversation. Or at least he thought there was, for his definition of a conversation was of an ambiguous clarity. To him, just the slightest smile from her would equal to the exchange of a hundred, no a thousand words.

They alighted the bus, said their goodbyes and parted ways. How long had it been? 5 minutes? But he felt like time had stood still for him. He felt disgusted by his own thought. Cliche. He didnt like cliches, but sometimes cliches are right, and that was exactly how he felt when he was beside her. Just another memory to add on to his scrapbook.

{Beginning} I am starting to think that what we dream of during our sleep may affect our mood when we wake up the next day. Yesterday during my sleep, I dreamt of her. . .

And everyday, I would think of how wonderful it would be if I could be by her side, accompanying her through life and enjoying everything together. . .


{Memories} Ever since night study started, my Fridays have been awesome. That is because before Night Study, my friends and I would go to Lot 1 and hang out together, then after Night Study, we would go to the nearby coffee shop and chat about, stuff.

{Emphasis} But thats beside the point. Night Study has allowed me to be so much closer to her. Sitting near her doing our work... Even walking near her till we got out of school... Those few minutes are precious, and I really treasure them a lot...

As I was walking home, I saw lots of teenagers and young adults sitting by walkways. They were talking and were almost indifferent to my presence when I walked past them. Did they know that I could have had a knife hidden beneath that jacket of mine? Did they even think that all that they are enjoying now could be ended so swiftly?

So, he stopped in his tracks. They started getting curious. He slid his hand underneath his jacket and fiddled around for awhile, just to mount the suspense. His fingers gripped onto the handle of an object all too familiar to him. With a deadly flourish, and a magician's touch, he whipped out the knife and its blade gave a sparkle under the moonlight. The audience was amazed at this little trick that the magician had pulled.

The were amazed. They were stunned. They were shocked. They were helpless.

Not even a scream, for he was swift in his movements. He lifted the knife up to examine it, but this time, there was no sheen. He lowered it and then replaced it onto the catch that was attached to his belt. Wearing his jacket, he walked off.

No regret, no shame, no worry, for he knew that when day came, no one would care. No one would know of the event that had happened. Or rather, no one would dare possess that knowledge.

He clenched his fist in sadness and anger and brought it down onto the table. The table vibrated, and how he wished that those vibrations could carry off all the anger and sorrow that was contained within him.

The table continued to tremble for a while.

A tear rolled down his face. Quickly, he lifted his hand and wiped the tear drop off his face with his sleeve. He felt ashamed of himself. He should not be feeling sentimental over such minute matters.
He should not.

Should. He wondered why he used that word in his thoughts.

One by one the line of suitors started to grow, until it was almost certain that all men who were worthy of her had came. They lined up in a neat single file before a giant door which was lavished with jewels and bore two golden door handles. Behind that door is the room of the treasure they had been so wanting to get their hands on.

The treasure of the area; the region's fairest lady.

He stood in the cold night, the light from a nearby lampost bathing him, covering him.
He raised his left hand and took a glance at the watch strapped onto it. A quarter past 11. It was late, but further ahead of him, resting on a wooden bench him was the silhouette of someone familiar.

Too familiar.

He just stood there, thinking. Had she been waiting for someone?

Anyways, I'm trying to brainstorm for ideas for stories. Help me out, will ya? Wait, this blog is unknown to everyone. Who am I talking to?

He could smell a coming change.
That is right. From now on, my blog shall be solely dedicated to my literally works and perhaps more objective posts rather than posts about myself.

Well, I guess i'm retreating here. I guessed I had expected that I'd need another blog soon, so it wasn't a mistake to set one up early.

Yesterday, I received extremely shocking news. Well, for the first time in my life, I had a girl like me. Yes. She is an amazing person. Kind, cheerful, and always there for me.

However, yesterday she realised she had, in fact, no feelings for me. Her heart still belongs to her ex. I slept very easily that night. Must have been the crying that exhausted me.

Could not wake up today. I know I dreamt of something. I know i did. Usually that is the reason for me not wanting to wake up, but I forgot what it was about. Perhaps I was hoping that everything that happened the previous night was just a dream. But well, we all have to face reality one day.

I just cant help but feel so jealous of her ex. He should damn well know he is one lucky guy. Lucky to be able to win her heart, and lucky that even after all this time, she still loves him.

I just wish my luck would come one day.

--------------------------------

In school, everything I seem to think of, reminded me of her. I came into the class, placed my bag and went out for assembly, not before turning my phone off. Needless to say, once i saw my phone, I thought of how things are going to change. How I had always waited so anxiously for her sms.

During bio period, I remembered the little conversation on something related to bio. It was hilarious, as I recall. We were laughing and smiling. That beautiful smile of hers.

I'm sorry I can't go on.



javier-

A Magical Night

A magical night.

One by one, the snowflakes fell, finally resting on the ground of pure white. He exhaled. A mist formed before him, and disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

The sun was floating just above the horizon, forming a magnificent twilight which stretches across the sky above them. On the other side of the heavens, darkness. The moon, a ball of hope and guidance hung in that darkness. Above them, where the colours of day and night merged like a nicely woolen fabric, he could see the stars, each giving off a faint glow, a soothing glow.

'I... I...'m fr...rre... eezing ..' Lunia said. She was trembling so much that she could not enunciate words properly.

'Don't worry,' Dermus said, as he took off his wool jacket and donned it over Lunia.

'Better?'

'Yes, thank you, but what about you?' Lunia inquired.

'It doesn't matter. As long as you're warm, i'll be warm, in my heart, and that warmth will be enough to keep me going.' Dermus replied with a smile.

... As long as you are alright, nothing else matters. As long as there is an opportunity for me to show you how much i love you, I will grasp it.

I love you.